it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
