tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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