Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
