if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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