I just threw up on my dentist
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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