she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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