I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love having hate sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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