hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
