Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
