I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
