Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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