dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
found the other keg... it's in the tree
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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