Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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