your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
