I wish I could teleport
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
whose parrot is this?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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