tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
