i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I looked at my own cervix.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
