batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
