ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
