Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
