Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize