i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize