officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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