it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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