I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
