She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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