I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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