Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
