I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
