hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
