You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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