and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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