her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
