I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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