you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
