WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
