why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
