i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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