Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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