So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
