I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
