I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
