he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
