And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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