I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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