I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
