I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
