Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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