Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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