fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize