I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
