Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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