I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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