Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
