You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
