She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
