He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
