I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So vagazzling was a success
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
