party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
