Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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