Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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