Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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