After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
