I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize