i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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