3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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