If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
