no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
