3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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