just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
