Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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