I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize