Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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