So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They took my balls.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
