his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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