just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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