The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
