I am puke
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
